life's SHORT, PRAY HARD!: i may be stupid **but** THE FINAL WORD IS: I AM LOVED!! lost in a MAZE of grace!!

i got stuck in a toilet tonight.
trapped by my own stupidity & i wannted get out of there or die!

Papa God has a sense of humor. He's the inventor of funny!!
tonight was definite evidence of that.
for the most part of the last i don't know, few weeks/months,
i've been feeling like if there was a King of stupidity, i'd be wearing the crown - backwards of course, or inside-out, as i seem to do so often with actual pieces of clothing i wear (!!)

it seems without even trying very hard, almost naturally, i seem to keep getting into situations purely the result of my own stupidity
--only then to have to wait for someone, somehow, to go to great lengths to get me out of the pits of stupidity i keep digging for myself & then fall into ...

tonight was another normal session of the Kairos missions course [see www.kairoscourse.org], and all was going well until . . .

the terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad toilet door lock jammed on a brother.
the ession ended well, when i was called upstairs to pray with some brothers & sisters [for what i still don't know, funny how Papa God turned me into being a new prayer item!!]

whilst waiting for the others to arrive for prayer, quite naturally, nature called & i answered.
guess which toilet i went into.

.

.

.

yep, that one.

guess which toilet i not only went into but locked!!

yet again the terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad toilet door lock claimed a new victim, only this time it had captured me, and it would take nothing short of a complete destroying of the door lock to get me out.

(whereas in the past all it took to get others out was a mere hit to burst the door open, or in the latest case tonight some desperate fiddling with the lock & some car keys)

i banged & twisted the knob with all my "might" [ie not alot!], all to no avail.

the thought never even occurred to me to shout/cry out for help ... pride is SO STUPID!
with my mobile phone i called a brother who should've been outside praying informing him i'd been locked in the toilet ...

just imagine how incredibly stupid i was feeling, knowing full well just half an hour ago this toilet had trapped another victim, after locking the door.

thankfully my dad & brother Mun were still around, hopefully they could bash the door down or dismantle the lock.

i cowered in awe at the sheer force with which they tried to break open the door, thinking the whole room would crumble & fall into a heap on me. what a way to die :P

i'm still dumbfounded that for some unfathomable reason, Papa God still wants me alive!

He gave me life again 6 years ago after a near-fatal scooter accident [again, victim of my own stupidity] left the doctors treating me dismissing me as a hopeless case. if anything i'd be permanently comatose, or a human vegetable, or confined to a wheelchair, or a youthful entry into a nursing home ...

reflecting upon my helpless situation, i did the only thing i knew i could - pray.

after all, the only reason why i'm not permanently comatose /a human vegetable /confined to a wheelchair / a youthful entry into a nursing home was because Papa God chose to work trough the prayers of His people & give me life again from sure death!

the song "God will make a way, where there seems to be no way" played in my mind. i sung it softly, but i really should've shouted it at the top of my lungs!

crumbling under the weight of my perceived gross stupidity, i guess.

how could such a fool sing in a situation like this?!
and yet i did!
. . . such is the wonder of being in Living, Personal Relationship with the King & Creator of The Universe, that even in the deepest pits of self-inflicted darkness, there is rMUCH ABUNDANT reason to sing - SIMPLY BECAUSE HE IS GOD!

as my dad & brother Mun tried all they could to fre me, i wondered if i was really worth the effort.

my miraculous recovery from the accident should've proved beyond doubt that i was, yet i must be so thick-headed [or just plain deceived into believing the same old lies i'd bought into ever since my teen years] as to even ponder the option of jumping out the window & perhaps ending my life in a messy heap, making null & void all efforts thus far to get me out.

i didn't want to inflict such pain on those who love me, and yet how much longer could i stand living like this??
with my pride completely pummeled to dust & feeling like i must be a horrible burden on those who knew me, surely people had better things to spend their time & effort on than help me out of another stupid situation i'd gotten myself into??

in the deepest pits of my despair, Papa God reached down to me & lifted my head. =D 8D :D
He seemed to be saying to my heart: "I love you, I am for you, I will help you, I made you, you are Mine, you are precious & valuable to me. STOP THINKING SUCH SELF-DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS, MY CHILD, I'M GONNA GET YOU OUTTA HERE!!"
[see Psalm 118 & 139)

the reality was, in spite of all my distorted perceptions of myself, Papa God was right there with me in the deepest pits of my despair. He is Mighty to Save, He delights over me with gladness, calming all my fears with His love & rejoicing over me with joyful singing! (see Zephaniah :17)

i don't need anything in this world.
all i need is grace, the AMAZING grace of the Papa God who loves me with an undying love, which is unchanging truth!
after coming home, i asked my dad, "i'm so stupid. how can you keep loving me???"
dad's reply *smiles* "you're not stupid!!" [you're my son -- not spoken but understood in my hrt :)]

blessed truth. O, to STAY FIXED IN HIS TRUTH & NOT MY DECEPTIONS!
"Who Am I - Casting Crowns"
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapour in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

end of story.
CASE CLOSED!

a much-needed reminder that it's never my perception of things that matters but ONLY what The Father thinks that matters in the end!

God has spoken: "YOU ARE LOVED"
truly i need much grace to unlearn all the lies i've held onto & believed all my life that i cannot be loved, or i'm too
*insert every self-degrading description you can think of here*,
or that i am simply unlovable.

another timely reminder through my God-given dad that i'm not loved because of anything i do / don't do, but always, in spite of who i am, i'm loved BECAUSE OF WHO HE IS, AND HE IS LOVE!!

so find me here. lost in a maze of grace.

i'm trapped & i hope to never get out of here!
such AMAZING grace gives life to the dead, finds the lost, gives sight to the hopelessly blind.
it even gives worth to the worthless, . . . !!!

do you know Jesus, from whom grace flows down like rain to even the most unlovable unworthy sinners? go to www.matthiasmedia.com.au/2wtl or http://www.needgod.com/!

if you do know Jesus & His grace, GROW DAILY IN HIS GRACE & KNOW HIM -- IRRESISTIBLY & PASSIONATELY, BRINGING ALL PEOPLES TO KNOW HIM TOO! see www.theschoolofchrist.org , www.TheSchoolOfChrist.Org/students

"i will both lay down my head & rest, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety" -- Psalms 4:8.
need your prayers that i stay fixed & resting in His grace, please tell me how i can best support you before His throne of Grace too!
15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.

16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.