for me - anti -SLOTH!!

i've been struck today by just how much of my life is driven by laziness. :|

even much of the "good" i do is done "the easy way" or the most convenient / trouble-free / comfortable way!

if there is a hard way requiring great effort / strenuous work, i'll naturally avoid it or give up early on if i ever go down that path!

i'm going to be really vulnerable & "spill my guts" at how laziness drives my life:

* i'm too lazy to do the hard work of engaging with strangers in various settings so i resort to reading a book / playing with my phone / listen to my mp3

* i'm too lazy to give myself to love another so i choose to stay single (yes, i must confess, beneath all the "noble reasons" i might hold onto for staying single, (some "reasons" below,i should really call some of them excuses! . .. plain sefish laziness probably lies at the root if i'm honest!
++  following Paul & Jesus who seemed to encourage singleness in these last days [Mat 19:10-12, 1Cor 7)

++ sngles can be "undistracted" in devotion to the Lord (1 Cor 7:34)

++ it's better for "her" not to be burdened by this disabled wreck of a boy-in-a-mans'-body, who can't see how he could ever lead /povide for her / future family when he does such  a shoddy job at managing his own life!
++ i'm a introvert, more often than not, i just plain prefer to be by myself than always around others!

* too lazy to personally get on the frontlines of frontier mission to those who've not yet heard the gospel of Jesus Christ so i sponsor missionaries . . . (even if i sponsor many, a couple who by God's grace have become self-supporting, does that really matter if my heart is not right?!)



* too lazy to go to a mission field without a church planted among their people group & spend years learning their culture & language so i content myself serving people who come here from "mission fields" & want to learn my languge, English! (and even then i probably spend most of my time with people from lands with well-established churches!) :"(

* i'm too lazy to overcome my disability & get a job so i happily sponge off the geerous government welfare system (even if it means i can give quite generously to  frontier mission work, does that really matter if my heart is not right?!)
* . .. this has all been quite scary to confess and bring to the surface, and i'm sure there's more! :"(

was deeply convicted on the issue of obedience at a recent bible class on Haggai - God is looking for immediate, unconditional obedience (like Abraham, Elijah & Philip showed when God told them "get up and go . .. even to do seemingly "crazy" things like sacrifice the son you've been promised and have even waited decades for!)

3 other types of obedience in the Bible that didn't please God:

* partial obedience (eg Kings of Israel who didn't go the full way in destroying the high places of idol worship in the promised land)

* delayed obedience (g Jonah)

* conditonal obedience (eg Barak the Judge)

- far too frequently i've been guilty of partial, delayed & conditional obedience rather than immediate, unconditonal obedience! :"(

i long for this to no longer be the case but know i don’t have what it takes to slay the sloth in me! >_<

O Father, please do whatever it takes to grow this beautiful Christlike obedience - slay the sloth in me!!
would gratefully treasure your prayers & any wisdom you have from God into my life .. :)