Sorry to start this on a low note :’(
.. it seems i ’m ever discovering new depths of my “relational retardedness” :(
.. so confused ..
I don’t think I really know what it is to be a true friend. So many times I’ve been shown beautiful friendship from others, yet time & again if I don’t turn it into an idol, I’d push away - - even if they keep reaching out, I’m still unsure bout reaching back :S
Though I have every reason to accept the friendship from them, I think I still have this thought in the back of my head “It’s only a matter of time before I do / say something dumb to hurt them, getting close enough to cut them deeply” . . .:(
I don’t want to live bound to my past relational failures, but I’m struggling . . . really struggling to live truly free from them :(
... maybe I’m sill holding onto the lies that “I’m not good enough” to be anyone’s friend?
WHY CAN’T I JUST LET GO?!!!
ARRGHGHGH!!! :@
I also struggle to relate to others without my own agendas or underlying motives [even if they’re “good”!].
It’s so ugly, the depths of my sinful self .. how i long to be free!
. . . or maybe my thinking is just twisted :S
It’s affecting almost every relationship, even with Father.
.. it seems i ’m ever discovering new depths of my “relational retardedness” :(
.. so confused ..
I don’t think I really know what it is to be a true friend. So many times I’ve been shown beautiful friendship from others, yet time & again if I don’t turn it into an idol, I’d push away - - even if they keep reaching out, I’m still unsure bout reaching back :S
Though I have every reason to accept the friendship from them, I think I still have this thought in the back of my head “It’s only a matter of time before I do / say something dumb to hurt them, getting close enough to cut them deeply” . . .:(
I don’t want to live bound to my past relational failures, but I’m struggling . . . really struggling to live truly free from them :(
... maybe I’m sill holding onto the lies that “I’m not good enough” to be anyone’s friend?
WHY CAN’T I JUST LET GO?!!!
ARRGHGHGH!!! :@
I also struggle to relate to others without my own agendas or underlying motives [even if they’re “good”!].
It’s so ugly, the depths of my sinful self .. how i long to be free!
. . . or maybe my thinking is just twisted :S
It’s affecting almost every relationship, even with Father.
It’s like I have a “set script” I go through for different people – e.g., certain things i'd say / Qns I’d ask family, friends, strangers, lost soul, internationals . . . even with Father I feel like I’m just uttering the same old things again & again :(
Desperately in need of your payers please!!
Desperately in need of your payers please!!
:D rejoice with me~! :D
:D thank You Father all "risks" You might ask me to take for You are ultimately SAFE!
:D He is conforming me to His image even if i can't see / feel it!
:D He is conforming me to His image even if i can't see / feel it!
:D thank You Father, that i am just an alien & stranger in this world, for giving me a Heavenly country that i can look forward to, that makes all the trouble of this life worth it!
Good For Us by Chip Brogden http://www.theschoolofchrist.org/read/articles/good-for-us.html Christians seek many spiritual things: anointing, power, gifts, blessing, fruit, wisdom, prosperity. I pray the Lord will make us thoroughly and completely dissatisfied with THINGS, even the things He gives us, and make us hungry and thirsty for Himself. May we judge things not by whether they are "good for us", but whether they are good for the Lord, whether His Will is done in them, whether His Need is met by them, whether His Purpose is fulfilled in them, whether His Son is seen through them. He is the Only One, the Beloved Son of God. May the Lord be transfigured before us!
* PLEASE PRAY FOR ME*
* Holy Spirit keep adding new citizens to His Kingdom!!
* I’d see people, not as they are, but also in the light of the potential He has placed within them!
* be a wise steward with my time!
* i’d value the simplicity of friendship with Jesus!!
* my life would be totally obedient, honoring & glorifying Father!
* I’d take a hold of Fathers’ hand & just walk away from temptation & evil!
*give me perpetual broken-heartedness over my sin & this lost world He's in the process of redeeming!
* keep me clinging to The Cross!
*** see prayer pts in talk #5 of CMS simmer school!
* I’d find my security in living Fathers’ way!
Lyrics of a song Father played in my mental Jukebox as I prayed about the problem in the start of this mail ..
* be a wise steward with my time!
* i’d value the simplicity of friendship with Jesus!!
* my life would be totally obedient, honoring & glorifying Father!
* I’d take a hold of Fathers’ hand & just walk away from temptation & evil!
*give me perpetual broken-heartedness over my sin & this lost world He's in the process of redeeming!
* keep me clinging to The Cross!
*** see prayer pts in talk #5 of CMS simmer school!
* I’d find my security in living Fathers’ way!
Lyrics of a song Father played in my mental Jukebox as I prayed about the problem in the start of this mail ..
Dare You To Move - Switchfoot
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to move I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move I dare you to move
Like today never happened Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move I dare you to move
Like today never happened Today never happened
Today never happened Today never happened before
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